RANDOMS
Q. What are Randoms?
A. That's difficult to explain. In fact, the best explanation is not to have one; but just to give you a vaguely undescriptive definition... Randoms are metaphorical and nonsensical, yet occasionally profound verbal nothingness intended purely for absurd-ism and self amusement.
Similar to Jack Handey's "Deep Thoughts" on SNL which largely appeared on the show from 1991 - 1998.
Q. Why should the world care about such a thing?
A. Because the world is often best viewed though humor and experienced with reckless abandon. I'm not saying that you need to go rocket roller skate yourself off an iceberg or anything, but think how much fun it'll be (for you) the next time you're standing by the water cooler or are a part of a conversation with nothing to add when you suddenly blurt out:
"Sometimes on my birthday I like to go out for Chinese food, then dislocate my fingers and try to use the chopsticks".
Q. What are Randoms?
A. That's difficult to explain. In fact, the best explanation is not to have one; but just to give you a vaguely undescriptive definition... Randoms are metaphorical and nonsensical, yet occasionally profound verbal nothingness intended purely for absurd-ism and self amusement.
Similar to Jack Handey's "Deep Thoughts" on SNL which largely appeared on the show from 1991 - 1998.
Q. Why should the world care about such a thing?
A. Because the world is often best viewed though humor and experienced with reckless abandon. I'm not saying that you need to go rocket roller skate yourself off an iceberg or anything, but think how much fun it'll be (for you) the next time you're standing by the water cooler or are a part of a conversation with nothing to add when you suddenly blurt out:
"Sometimes on my birthday I like to go out for Chinese food, then dislocate my fingers and try to use the chopsticks".
Life is lived in these brief but often occurring moments. The next time one happens to you, don't just stand around with nothing to add; interject a Random and see what happens. Sometimes they make sense, other times they are completely meaningless, but what's important is that those you say them to... they all think there's something meaningful behind what you just said, but instead of explaining yourself, you just nod and walk away. They'll go back and try to work wondering what just happened, they'll sit and ponder and try to make sense of it while you finish your day off with a smile on your face. As I said.... "self amusement".
I'm so sick and tired of everyone always talking about the big picture. Ever notice that all of these same people are missing the point? They don't get it. They don't stop and smell the roses or more to the point they haven't figured out that it's all the little things that create the big picture in the first place.
So that's all this is. It's one of those little things. Some insignificant quip to help break up the monotony of your day.
My intention is to put out a day by of Randoms, perhaps a book depending on how things go.
Over the years, I've happily received 1000's of great compliments. I'd like to take this time to personally thank all of those who have supported me since its inception. If I can make someone else smile, then I've had a good day. Hopefully such interest continues. Here's what a few people have to say...
COMMENTS
That sounds like something Frankenstein would say...
Haha! I should've said this at work today when the guy in the cubicle next to me always asks me to go for a drink, lol
I just want to say that I didn't really understand what you wrote but for some reason I got it. I laughed, but I'm not sure why, lol.
You have an amazing way with words. I am fascinated by your logic.
The way you think is always intriguing.
If I grin anymore my face will crack!
I really like the way you write. Every time I come and read I feel better about life. :P
WHAT!!!!!? hahaha, this was kind of funny. even though I'm afraid it could have a deeper meaning, you're so ambiguous.
That's amazing! I'm starting to understand everything you write! before it was like.. that's really cool, but now its like... I agree completely!! You rock!
I would really enjoy an evening in your brain.
You're like the evil Dr. Seuss!!! And I mean that in the greatest possible way!
Sometimes reading you is like watching a dark, gritty movie that doesn't make sense unless you haven't slept in a few days. I love it!
SAMPLE OF RANDOMS
I really like the way you write. Every time I come and read I feel better about life. :P
WHAT!!!!!? hahaha, this was kind of funny. even though I'm afraid it could have a deeper meaning, you're so ambiguous.
That's amazing! I'm starting to understand everything you write! before it was like.. that's really cool, but now its like... I agree completely!! You rock!
I would really enjoy an evening in your brain.
You're like the evil Dr. Seuss!!! And I mean that in the greatest possible way!
Sometimes reading you is like watching a dark, gritty movie that doesn't make sense unless you haven't slept in a few days. I love it!
SAMPLE OF RANDOMS
Cheaters never win! Except of course when they cheat, then they win all the time.
A girlfriend once said I was acute, but she wasn't very good at math.
I march to the beat of my own drum... except I never march, nor do I play drums.
Pessimism is just the acknowledgement and acceptance that there's no escaping Murphy and his gang of laws.
I once had a threesome with an m&m & a skittle, but in the throes of passion I couldn't tell them apart. They both started yelling, I mean completely going off the deep end... then they stormed out together and left me handcuffed to the goat.
A girlfriend once said I was acute, but she wasn't very good at math.
I march to the beat of my own drum... except I never march, nor do I play drums.
Pessimism is just the acknowledgement and acceptance that there's no escaping Murphy and his gang of laws.
I once had a threesome with an m&m & a skittle, but in the throes of passion I couldn't tell them apart. They both started yelling, I mean completely going off the deep end... then they stormed out together and left me handcuffed to the goat.
I went to school when it was hip to be square, but you still got beat up for it.
A friend is like a good cup of coffee... always there for a quick pick me up.
Sometimes when I get really horny and it's not a good time, I just go into the bathroom and squirt myself in the eye with lemon juice... that takes the edge off.
The Frugal Gourmet is misleading... I bought his cookbook and it was expensive!
I thought of something the other day, and I thought... What if something was thinking of me? And if so... What exactly is the something I'm thinking about... thinking about, as it thinks of me? Surely not the same as I thought... that the something might actually be nothing... like in the "Neverending Story" which did end after the something that was nothing made nothing of the something that was the story.
Sadness... is just your souls way of saying your emotional sewer is backed up.
A friend is like a good cup of coffee... always there for a quick pick me up.
Sometimes when I get really horny and it's not a good time, I just go into the bathroom and squirt myself in the eye with lemon juice... that takes the edge off.
The Frugal Gourmet is misleading... I bought his cookbook and it was expensive!
I thought of something the other day, and I thought... What if something was thinking of me? And if so... What exactly is the something I'm thinking about... thinking about, as it thinks of me? Surely not the same as I thought... that the something might actually be nothing... like in the "Neverending Story" which did end after the something that was nothing made nothing of the something that was the story.
Sadness... is just your souls way of saying your emotional sewer is backed up.
If a carnivore eats a vegetarian... what exactly is going on there? Is that the carnivores way of cutting back on meat?
I would hate to have a penis made out of ice... it would be really small because I live in a very warm climate plus my underwear would always be wet.
I would hate to have a penis made out of ice... it would be really small because I live in a very warm climate plus my underwear would always be wet.
What doesn't kill you, likely makes you hurt very much!
The problem with imagination is... it doesn't permanently disable reality.
My cube is full of sphere's and numbers which are represented by avant garde colors. For ex. 3 = aquamarine & 9 = apricot. That way I can say 26 lemon-lime's divided by the square root of 4 burnt sienna's = the total mass of 13 tangerines. If I did it any other way nothing would make sense.
Muppets are my favorite things made out of non-biodegradable products.
Organs play music and have many other functions,such as breaking down protein & pumping blood through arteries, but if you try to play an organ made out of organs, your entire audience will be made up of flies.
There's safety in numbers... a concept, turkeys don't understand.
All I know about relationships is that if you are of average height... don't even think about dating a giraffe; trust me, it won't work out. He'll step on you, then apologize, and you'll forgive him, and you'll hug his knee... the whole time he could be flirting with birds & hot air balloons etc... Remember there's a whole world out there above your head.
It takes a unique person to be different.
Truth be told, I've never done a drug a day in my life, nor have I ever smoked... sometimes I overdose on sarcasm, but I've never been hospitalized for it."
My cube is full of sphere's and numbers which are represented by avant garde colors. For ex. 3 = aquamarine & 9 = apricot. That way I can say 26 lemon-lime's divided by the square root of 4 burnt sienna's = the total mass of 13 tangerines. If I did it any other way nothing would make sense.
Muppets are my favorite things made out of non-biodegradable products.
Organs play music and have many other functions,such as breaking down protein & pumping blood through arteries, but if you try to play an organ made out of organs, your entire audience will be made up of flies.
There's safety in numbers... a concept, turkeys don't understand.
All I know about relationships is that if you are of average height... don't even think about dating a giraffe; trust me, it won't work out. He'll step on you, then apologize, and you'll forgive him, and you'll hug his knee... the whole time he could be flirting with birds & hot air balloons etc... Remember there's a whole world out there above your head.
It takes a unique person to be different.
Truth be told, I've never done a drug a day in my life, nor have I ever smoked... sometimes I overdose on sarcasm, but I've never been hospitalized for it."
